Since Eric and I have known for quite a few weeks that we are expecting, we have had plenty of time to think about it and talk about it. We have been wanting a baby for quite a few months and were getting very frustrated and discouraged. I honestly had never realized how long it can take to get pregnant. It has been an emotional journey for us, that is for certain. The first week of July brought an even bigger blow as we found out we were pregnant at 7 weeks (after multiple negative tests) and then a day later, miscarried. That was the hardest thing I have ever personally had to experience. I never thought it would hurt so much to lose a baby that early. It took some weeks before I could see a pregnant woman without crying. Ironically it seemed this was the time that all our friends were either having babies or announcing their own pregnancy. I don't think the Fourth of July will ever be the same for me.
Having experienced that, this pregnancy means so much more to me. I read in one of my pregnancy books soon after we found out about this baby that pregnancy after experiencing a miscarriage does not come with the same innocence and pure joy that the first pregnancy did. Instead, it is mixed with sadness and a knowledge that every pregnancy does not necessarily end with a baby in your arms. That is definitely true. The first few weeks I was almost afraid to be too happy, feeling certain that it would end the same way. Any little stomach pain or cramp would have me completely worried. When we passed 7 weeks I felt as though we had passed a huge hurdle.
I am so grateful that we are expecting again. More than anything, I want to be a mother. Every day means one more day that I am still pregnant and one more day that brings me closer to meeting this precious child of God. How amazing it is that we get the chance to participate in such a thing as birth and parenthood. I thank God every day for letting me be apart of this miracle.
5 comments:
We are so grateful you are able to experience this too. I haven't experienced a real miscarraige, just the chemical ones that don't ever register a positive test. But I can only imagine the excitement followed by grief. You are going to be one amazing mother and because of your experience, you will be that much more grateful for your baby each day. You truly are blessed. We love you!
You both are definitely going to be great parents. Your baby will be such a lucky little one to have you as his/her mom and dad.
Oh Kiersten, that sounds soo hard. We are so excited for you guys to share the adventures of parenting at the same time as us. You really are going to be great parents!!!
Though it turned out in the end to not be a miscarriage after all, my experience with Garrett taught me just how precarious a pregnancy is. Like you and the 4th of July, Thanksgiving will never be the same for me. It truly is a miracle to first conceive and then to carry it to full term. You two really will be wonderful parents, and each child you bring into your family will be a miracle and a blessing. Take care of yourself!
I miscarried after my first baby and before this one. It is really devastating but it was such a spiritual experience. I felt the spirit SOO strong during the miscarry and was so close to it. Someone told me a great thing when I was miscarrying that was a really nice way to think about it while we were going through it. He told me he likes to think that miscarries is the spirit being too excited to come to us and tries to come but HF tells them there is some more learning to do before they come to us. I don't know if that's how it really is, but I like to think that. :) Also, when you're sick during pregnancies that means a healthy baby so enjoy those stomach pains and sick days :) So glad to here you guys are having a baby!
P.s. You will always think about that miscarry. I still think about that baby and how I would have a year and a half year old right now. I'm glad Capri needed some more learning though ;)
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